Tuesday, May 12, 2015

To Have and To Hold

Today is year 14.  I married my hubby 14 years ago today.  We had a gorgeous wedding. I had a spectacular dress that I co-designed and was hand made by a costume designer. It was outside at this lovely and charming old Victorian.  We had a guy playing bagpipes, and enjoyed yummy food, and danced and toasted and all that stuff you do at weddings.  I remember it pretty well, which is amazeballs since I can't remember what we did two days ago (that's a blog post for another day....how being a busy Mom makes you become an amnesiac).

We had already been together a long time before we married.  We shacked up for about 6 years before we finally said "I do".  We had already gone through "the honeymoon stage" before we even walked down the aisle.  We knew each other well. We already knew how to share and play nice with one another.  We had been through a lot (or so we thought).  We had this marriage thing in the bag.

Okay, so maybe not in the bag.  Relationships, and the people in them, can take a beating sometimes. Relationships that are going to stand solid in the face of adversity, have to face some adversity to learn to stand strong. Excepting one another for who and what you are.  Woaaaw, that's a toughie sometimes.  Opposites attract ya know?  That is a proven fact. Those things that were different, mysterious and intriguing about your special someone, often become those things that drive you batty.   The people that make up the couple grow and change as individuals.  The relationship has to stretch and change too.  Sometimes one of you is in metamorphosis.  All the sudden one of you is different, and things have to adjust. Sometimes one of you gets lost, lost in their own head, and the other one has to wait it out and gently guide them back.

Marriage takes work to work.  It takes action.  Sitting on your butt hoping things will work out and you'll be happy isn't gonna cut it in this business (sorry, I know that blows all of the ideals out of the water.  But if you enjoy my blog it's probably not for the sugar coating). Sweeping things under the rug is a fricken trip hazard. There will be times you want to quit, throw in the damn towel, fed up to your core.  There will be times it's easy, you're enjoying one another, smiling a lot, and the tough times seem like a really long time ago. What were you disagreeing about anyway?  He's so cute, why were you mad?

I can tell you this though, I love him more now then I did then.  When a genuine smile spreads across his face it touches my heart like never before.  When I REALLY see him, it's just as exciting as all of those years ago, if not more. Because we have worked to be here. Because really, we all go through life not necessarily being who we are inside as frequently as we should, even with our partners.  That center that is our essence, very rarely makes an appearance.  We're so busy with life, and most find it hard to be vulnerable enough.  Believe it or not, I have a hugely difficult time being vulnerable. It causes problems. I put up walls and shut people out faster than you can blink. Luckily, he knows that, he can remind me that I'm "shutting down and out" and try to adjust his approach. The advantage of being together for as long as we have is we've had a lot more opportunities to catch those times, when one of us is revealing their true self. And those times, keep you going. Those times help you to create a little treasure box of these supernatural soul touching moments.

I'm so grateful for Hubby.  For all of the years we have shared, the fabulous and the not so fabulous. For all we have learned together.  For our little family.  Even for the adversity we have faced. Marriage is work, but it is work worth doing. <3

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