Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Path of Least Resistance

That path! The one of least resistance. The one that is smooth, not bumpy, no pot holes, no strenuous steep hills to climb. You aren't a dirty, sweaty, huffing and puffing mess when you reach the end. It's a nice easy stroll. One in which you breath easy, enjoy the scenery, feel the lovely breeze caress your skin as to keep you perfectly comfortable. "That path!" I scream as I jump up and down with my hands in the air. I'll take that path please! That is the one we want to be on....right? The easy breezy path?

First of all, is there such a path? I mean I'm certain there is a path less taxing than the one I'm on now. One that isn't so dark, dry and dusty. One that isn't straight up hill, with too little sunlight, and no cool breeze. One that allows for nice even deep breaths and even might reward you with the smell of jasmine or honeysuckle. One with beauty no matter which way you look. Oh oh, maybe a little trickling water fall to be discovered when you turn a corner. That path sounds divine doesn't it? But my current path is far from lovely. I'm tired of this damn path. Of it's damn weight. There is something on this path that makes me feel like I'm carrying a very heavy coat which is making the steep incline of the fricken rocky dirt hills even harder to climb. I'm out of water and my mouth is so dry. I'm dirty, tired, and running our of steam. 

One foot in front of the other, I keep trudging along. "I think I can, I think I can". "I am strong, I am fierce, I am not a quitter, I can do this!" Do I believe it? I'm not sure anymore. But I'll keep saying it until I do. I mean what else am I going to do? Stop right here, in the middle of this ugly path and give up? Just lay down and surrender? Let the wild animals come eat me alive? No, even though that doesn't sound half bad, I will not be coyote food. As I near the top of the hill, I see a fork in the road. For better or worse, I can not keep going straight up. I must decide now, which path to take. Right or left? Which is the path of least resistance?" I ask myself. "Which is the path of enlightenment?" "Which way do I turn?" "Which way is the RIGHT way?" "Will one of these paths get me HOME?"

Now I must decide. Oh good Lord how I hate decisions. For as long as I can remember, making a decision has been a very difficult process. Back and forth, the pros and cons, over think, over analyze, all the what ifs and what thens. Once I have a decision actually made though, I'm pretty much a tunnel visioned bullet train. Full steam ahead, going for the gusto, in the least amount of time possible, breaking through any obstacles with a steadfast determination. No looking back. But getting to the decision is flippin agony. There are so many consequences to making a decision, especially if I make the wrong one! This has very often held me back from taking the undiscovered path. There is too much that can go wrong, and if it does go wrong, everyone that is affected by MY bad decision will be hurt. Their pain would be because of ME. My pain, well that is livable. I am strong, I am fierce, I can handle it. But I can't handle hurting them with my bad choice. All of this piled high on my shoulders as I consider the two possible directions ahead. There is no clear indicator as to which way will be easiest on me or on my loved ones, or which one will give me relief from my current gnarly hike. I can't tell just by looking right then left, which one will provide my soul with what it longs for, which one is my destiny, which one is my blessing. There is no rainbow hanging over one turn off and black cloud over the other. I don't have an angel on my shoulder telling me which way to go.

So I stand there, beat down, dirty and out of breath.  I fall to me knees and cry. "God, give me wisdom. God, give me discernment. God put it undeniable on my heart, leaving no room for doubt or over thinking. God give me peace. God let my soul stir and sing and know which way to go. God protect my loved ones so fiercely, hold them so close, and fill them with peace and joy and unfathomable love. God push me down the right path for my feet can't move!"

There is something within me that knows whichever path it is I choose is for a reason. Part of a bigger picture. More than I will ever know. I can think and think and agonize and think, and what is meant to be will be. We are all here with a purpose. We all struggle to find that purpose, to put it to good use, to make it count. We struggle, because without struggle we wouldn't break. We wouldn't fall down and turn our face up to heaven, if it were all easy. We wouldn't be able to be encouragers if we never experienced hurt of our own. We wouldn't look for light in the darkness. We wouldn't need to hold on to hope.

So here I am. Chipped and cracked and breaking to bits. And that is where the light will come in. And that is where my healing will start. And that is where I will mend, stronger, brighter and more beautiful than I ever imagined.






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