Monday, February 29, 2016

A Little Bit Salty - A Little Bit Sweet

I like things a little bit salty and a little bit sweet. Like dark chocolate covered salted pretzels, ice cream with salted popcorn, or salted caramel. It's the perfect combination and balance. Not sick to your tummy sweetness overload, and not give you a heart attack block of salt. Just right.

I had a realization this morning in the shower as I was washing my hair. A lot of things become so clear to me while I'm in the shower, usually when I'm lathering up the locks. Hmmm interesting...maybe a post for another day. Anyway, as I was scrubbing, I was playing over the events of the last week. Moments that stuck out to me amongst the day to day stuff. That's when the title to this post came to I remembered the way I handled a particularly sticky situation, and realizing how differently I would have addressed it if it would have happened even two year prior. Because two years ago, I was much more salty than I am now. Or, well, there wasn't a harmonious balance between the salty and the sweet. Waaaay more salt lick than cupcake if that makes sense.

The aforementioned sticky situation was a little uncomfortable, but turned out to be a wonderful learning and teaching experience. Learning, because I got to see the changes that I've been making inside show up to the party. Teaching because I was able to demonstrate to my boys how to have a disagreement while still imploring grace and respect. Grace and respect both for the other person/people involved and for myself. I was in a situation where I felt that my integrity was being questioned and I believed I was being treated disrespectfully. My former salt lick self, would have responded with fists up and cannons blasting. I would have made a point to drive home my side of the argument at all costs and made sure that it was understood and agreed with. It wouldn't have been pretty. I would have been fired up, kickin' ass and taking names. Now, don't get me wrong, some fire in the belly, a bit of feistiness, that is still with me, part of who I am, and it's not a bad thing. It's just tempered a bit more now, it's softened, less aggressive. This time I was able to respond to the situation with straight forward honesty (that has never been hard for me), while expressing my discomfort and disappointment gracefully (that's the new part :)). No yelling, arguing or blaming. Just basically " I feel disrespected, this isn't working for me, it feels yucky, and thanks but I'm going my own way." Done. No dwelling, or over thinking. No residual anger or upset.

I, for now, have found a better balance between my salty and sweet. I say for now because we are always changing. I am not any better than my former salty self, just different. I'm not more enlightened than my salty friends or family, just perceiving things in my own way. I'm not stronger than the candy sweet cupcakes out there either. We are all strong in our own ways, and with work and attention, we can build new strengths. I just found myself noticing how differently I react to life now. Why? What has changed? What has enabled me to find a new balance that I wasn't able to find before. What has made it possible for this former type A, perfectionist, control loving Scorpio, to let go a little. To except and embrace NON perfection, and to add some sugary sweetness to the mixture that is me?

Yoga, meditation/prayer, self reflection and self acceptance. Fiiinnnaaally, opening up to my own soul. Living from my heart and soul instead of from my head and ego all the time. Allowing myself to feel uncomfortable things without pushing them away or fighting against them. Giving myself grace and compassion finally allowed me to give the world around me the same thing. Working to find alignment and strength with my physical body, helped me to find alignment and strength with my spiritual body.

If you haven't given yourself the time to learn to just be in stillness, I encourage you to do so. You will be amazed at who you find inside the quiet <3

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