Saturday, March 26, 2016

It All Matters

So there are a couple of things I remind the little dudes of A LOT. One is... it's okay if you are upset, angry, frustrated, whatever, we all have times when those feelings arise. It's part of being alive. It's okay, and I am always here to talk if you are able to communicate your feelings and want to share...AND... do not take it out on the rest of us. Don't do the misery loves company thing. Express how you feel, take time for yourself to chill, or talk to me, or journal, or hit the punching bag, whatever helps. But no being mean to the rest of the world just because you don't feel like being nice due to the fact that something is bothering you. We want to be aware of what we are putting out into this universe. I point out times when it's happening and we observe how the person with the attitude problem is affecting the ones around them. How the energy changes. How the people in the frustrated person's path become agitated. How now, instead of one person being in the dumps there are several. The negativity can permeate the environment and everyone else in it if you share your poison. So together, as a tribe, we try to stay conscious of that.

This morning, right before lunch, as we were on our way to Costco, I pulled over the car. I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and was kind of being a jerk. I knew McFlurrys would help but also knew I needed to apologize. I looked at the boys and said, "Guys, I'm sorry. I am angry and frustrated about something, and I have been taking it out on both of you by being short on patience and have not been very kind. My frustration has absolutely nothing to do with anything either of you did. I love you guys so much. Sorry dudes." They were both generous with their "it's okay Mom, love you too"s and we went on with the day. I pulled over and made a deal about it instead of just changing my attitude and going on, because I wanted them to know I knew. I wanted them to remember the moment and hopefully follow suit next time they are the ones in my position.

We all have our good days and not so good days. We have days when it's easy to smile and laugh and we do it often. We have days when we feel good about ourselves and the people we share this life with. Then there are days when we maybe feel sorry for ourselves or find ourselves feeling misunderstood or under appreciated. We dwell on the negative instead of the positive. And it's all part of life and the lessons we need to learn. It's all a chance for growth and self love. Everyday we get to decide how we are going to be in the world. How we are going to feel. What we are going to share. We are responsible for that in every way, no matter what the circumstances.

It's difficult sometimes to stay in the zone when we live in a world in which violence, despair and hatred get most of the publicity. If you aren't careful, you could end up believing the lies. Lies telling us that there is little hope for recovery for this lost world of ours. Lies telling us that there is no reason to keep trying so hard to be kind and to affect positive change because it's futile. That love can not conquer all. That your light can not dispel the darkness. It's not special enough, it's not bright enough, it's not strong enough. Lies telling us, what we do, and how we treat people doesn't really matter in the scheme of things. We are just a speck in this huge world, and what we do, or don't do, doesn't really make much of a difference.

It ALL matters. Every bit of it. It all makes a difference. What I put out into this universe, affects you. My words and actions and especially INTENTIONS, affect you. My energy affects you. My heart affects you. What I teach my kids affects you. If I chose to live in fear and ignorance, that would affect you. If I chose to give up on shining the light, that would affect you.

And guess what...while I hold a place on this earth, in this body, I'll keep trying to be kind. I'll keep teaching my kids how to be responsible and thoughtful of their imprint on the world. I'll keep remembering to love myself so I can love you too. I'll wake up on the wrong side of the bed again, you can bet on that. But I promise you to do my best, to keep an open heart and mind, and to remember every day that the things I do, say, think, and feel affect you.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

What Will They Remember?

Will they remember a mommy who stopped what she was doing when they asked for attention? Or, will they remember a mom who had too many distractions to give them the appropriate eye contact?

Will they remember a mom who laughed at their jokes and silly antics? Or will they remember a mom who didn't laugh enough. Taking all the "stuff" in life too seriously.

Will they remember a mommy who glowed? Who smiled a real smile with her eyes and her mouth and her whole face. Or will they remember a mom who too often had a furrowed brow. Who smiled, but didn't shine.

Will they remember cuddling in their beds at night? Talking about the day, saying prayers, getting their backs scratched. Or, will they remember the nights when mom was too tired to chit chat and just wanted them to go to sleep. No patience left for the stories or the requests for their midnight snack and drink.

Will they remember all the heart felt "I LOVE You" s? Could they tell how much she meant it? How her heart wanted to burst at that moment because she was actually really seeing them, and found herself in awe. Or will they remember the times she yelled, and said things that hurt their feelings?

Will they remember a mom who played? Who took them up on their offers to jump on the trampoline, play four square or compete in Mario Kart? Or, will the remember a mom who kept telling them she had things to get done, no time to play?

Will they remember a mommy who would do anything for them? Who gave them the last piece of pizza even if she wanted it. Who drove them all over town to participate in things that interested them, that made them happy and healthy. Singing and rocking out in the car together. Or, a mom who didn't feel like cooking so always ordered pizza? A mom that was always speeding around trying to get from place to place, hauling them all over town to run errands. Yelling at them to stop fighting and just be quiet.

Will they remember a mom that encouraged them? That made them feel smart and strong and special. Who supported them and their own individual talents and gifts. A mom who just KNEW they were rock stars! Or, will they remember a mom who was always frustrated with them, disappointed and let down? Saying nice things but not with sincerity or passion or heart. A mom who didn't understand.

Will they ever ever understand the depth of her absolute devotion to them? Will they ever know, without any doubt, that no matter what they do, she will always, every second, love them with all that she is and ever will be? Will they understand that she is forever their safe haven? A place where they will always be accepted with open arms. Loved, supported, appreciated, and cherished <3