Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Reinventing Home

Home. What is home, really? Is the structure that you live in home? The place where you shower and sleep when you aren't running around the outside world. Is home the people that live in the structure with you? Your family? When you think of home, do you really think of them? Not so much the place, but the people you share the place with? Is home comfortable? Is it safe? Is it inspiring? Is it nurturing?

In the world right now, there are various types of homes. And there are so many, displaced, forced out, with no place to call home. Where is their home? What does home mean to them?

These thoughts, questions, have been rattling around inside of me for a little bit. With the political climate such as it is, I've been dreaming about what it may be like to call a different place home. I've been researching options, making comparisons, and throwing it out to the Universe. But it's one of those things...once you really start contemplating, your thoughts can go in so many different directions.

I've been finding myself asking, "what is home?"

How do I want to feel at home? How do I hope my family to feel at home?
What do I find are the most important attributes of home?
What do I want to my kids to remember when they think of home?
Is home a forever place, or is it ever changing? Is it a place at all?

One of the directions my thoughts, or more accurately, emotions, have gone, is to feel guilty. To feel like it's unfair that I get to even make these considerations when there are countless people, right this very second, praying for any kind of safe home for themselves and their families. They probably don't really care where it is. They probably don't care what the average temperature is. They aren't looking into what the health insurance options are or the unemployment rate is. They aren't considering how different the educational system might be. They are just praying for safety. For a home where they can walk down the street and not likely be kidnapped or killed. Although my heart breaks for them, I know guilt is not an emotion I want to carry, and therefore, let it go. I acknowledge the hardship those souls are enduring. I do not close my eyes to their pain. I hold a place in my heart for them all. I take measures to contribute to their cause.

The hubs and I have talked a bit and made mention in front of the little dudes, that we may explore certain possibilities. That although not very likely, it is not completely out of the realm of possibility that there could be a move in our future. The house we live in now is the only home my kids have ever known. Their first reaction to the whole thing, especially from my first born, was "no way!" What about their friends? They love our house! What about Grandma and Papa and cousins? Hubs and I remained calm and encouraging and really, without even talking about it first, went down the road of...life is full of possibilities. But those possibilities only manifest if you are open to change. Change offers growth and opportunities you would never know without the catalyst. Life is not certain. Life is not guaranteed. Change may not always be what you think desire, but it is necessary for your evolution, and always for the greater good if you allow it to be. This was huge for Hubs, as he has not been a big fan of change in his lifetime. He grew up with a dad in the Air Force. He moved ALOT. He often resists change now without even realizing it. He likes things status quo. But I think, as he talked with the boys, he started to see a different perspective.  He was rallying them, telling them about the times he had to do things that weren't in his plan as a kid because of having to move and change schools and friends, but how those times made him braver, and stronger, and things happened for a reason. He met people that he never would have met otherwise. It wasn't always easy, but it taught him things he needed to learn.

If nothing else came of this whole home change thing, that conversation was it. I want my kids to embrace change. I really do. Until the last few years, I too, was resistant to it. Now that I am not, now that I am open, the world is an entirely new place, with incredibly less fear and anxiety. There is nothing to feel anxious about, when you are willing to go with whatever comes. I want them to see the endless possibilities. To have faith in their ability to handle things as they come. Yes, I want them to feel loved unconditionally. To know without a doubt that mommy and daddy are always here by their sides. I want them to feel rooted so they can then lift their faces to the sky and fly. And I realize now, that in order for them to feel those things, they need to have faith in their own abilities to roll with the punches. Their own strength. Their own power. I want them to be the masters of their own universes, with a little help from us.

I want them to know, wherever they are, they are home.

So there it is. Our home. No matter where it is, or what it looks like, I want it to be the place where we feel nurtured and encouraged enough to be free. For us each to spread our glorious wings. A place where we embrace all the possibilities. A place where each one of us feels completely safe in being who we are, and feels supported in revolutionizing who that might be as we grow. That place is inside. That place is not the house. Not the country. It's in our hearts and souls. Home is inside ourselves.

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