Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Why is Everyone So Darn Angry? Or, Are They?

I saw something today, posted by Byron Katie, that really got me thinking.

Anyone who is angry is really fearful. I mean I've heard it before, said in different ways, but the same message. I believe the two most basic and true emotions/motivating forces are love and fear. For some reason this picture, and this message just spoke to me today.

I began to visualize the people I've watched do, and heard say, hateful things lately. The "friend" on Facebook who's posts flabbergast me with their political remarks and sense of entitlement. The girl who flipped me off yesterday with fire in her eyes, as I accidentally pulled out in front of her. I remembered the article I read last night about a mom blogger who received terrible threats and hate mail because of a post she wrote and shared about her own marriage. Readers inundating her with comments about what a bad wife she is and how she shouldn't air her dirty laundry.

Then my mind starting reaching further. To Syria. To Afghanistan. To the bombings and killings that have happened world wide in the last year. To the footage of debris and blood covered orphans after their families have been blown to bits. To cops killing civilians and civilians killing cops.

After that little journey, I started reeling it in closer to home again. My house, last night, as I yelled at the kids for not listening. We had two hours of meltdown. Kids tired from school. Mom tired from work. Homework, playground drama, blah blah blah. I was angry because I felt like I wasn't being heard. I was angry because my boys don't follow directions without questions. I was angry because it was our first day of homework and already we were having issues. I was angry because....


Hmmm. Well, it sure felt like anger. Until I stopped for a moment and realized what it really was.

It was fear. I was afraid. What I was really feeling, down in the deepest hidden depths, hidden under the scowl, and the raised voice, and the occasional curse word (yes, that happens), was fear. I was afraid, I am afraid, that I am failing them as their mother.

I must be a shitty mom because I have kids that don't jump the first time I tell them too. I have let them down by not being strict enough. They need more structure and clearer boundaries, but I am not consistent enough. I want to give them freedom and encouragement to be who they are, to question and discover, but I don't want that to interfere with my "orders" when they are given. They think I'm mean and that I don't love them with every single piece of who I am, without condition.

So I stormed off to my room. Told them I needed a few minutes. Shed a few tears. Took some deep breaths. Came out and started over.

Sometimes, it's easy to see how the anger is really fear in disguise. Even though I don't agree with my FB friend's political views, I can see where his anger (really fear) is coming from. He wants to protect his family. He is scared they will be hurt, that their lives will be made unstable, that they could be in physical danger. Other times it's so difficult, sometimes the fear is so well hidden under multiple layers of chain link armor, all we can see is the festering anger. And maybe, after so many years and generations of fear being expressed as anger, it just becomes hate. Hearts get hardened and aren't able to offer compassion to beings with opposing beliefs. Minds loose the ability to see past the veil of the supposed reality. Maybe the collective soul of that group of people goes to sleep. Waiting for the next life, knowing the fog is just too thick.

I don't know. I'm not a spiritual or psychological expert. I just write about what I experience in this life in hope that it can offer truth and encouragement. In hope that we can all begin to see things from a heart and soul perspective. In hope that we can all remember who we are, that we belong to each other, and we are in this together.

I'm not saying anger isn't a real emotion, or that you can never just be pissed off. Like the chick who flipped me off while driving...maybe she just thought I was a terrible driver. Maybe there was a moment where she was fearful for her life, which then made her angry.

So let's try this (me too) time you find yourself mad, a little perturbed or head spinning about to blow your top mad, stop for a second and ask yourself why. Truly and deeply and honestly, why? Let yourself be vulnerable for a moment. Let the fear, hiding behind the anger, peek it's head out and make itself known. We could learn a lot about ourselves. We could begin to see others in a more compassionate way, realizing they too, are afraid.

LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL ~ fear is conditional
LOVE SURRENDERS ~ fear binds
LOVE IS HONEST ~ fear is deceitful
LOVE TRUSTS ~ fear suspects
LOVE GIVES ~ fear resists
LOVE FORGIVES ~ fear blames
LOVE IS KIND ~ fear is angry
LOVE HEALS ~ fear hurts
LOVE IS PATIENT ~ fear is nervous
LOVE IS BRAVE ~ fear is afraid
LOVE IS BLIND ~ fear is judgmental
LOVE ACCEPTS ~ fear rejects

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